For the past eight years, I've been afraid to pause, scared to rest, reticent to enjoy. Unconsciously, I knew I couldn’t take that risk. But now, I consciously know I must.
Tag: Purpose
What Does It Mean to Lose?
Failure. Absolute dejection. That's how I classified every loss. Until, that is, I needed to adopt another way to play the game... to be happy.
We Self-Deceive to Survive
It’s impossible to understand why we’re doing anything we do. When we do arrive at this future clairvoyance, we’ll be strong enough to understand; until then, the truth's weight is unbearable. This week, I arrived at one of those days, opened its hefty package, and unlocked my next chapter.
Written in the Stars: Psychiatry and Me
I’m a psychiatrist. Every so often, whether I’m walking along the stream in our neighborhood, drinking freshly poured-over coffee, or watching sports, this fact enters my awareness. Even now, six years after committing to become a shrink, it still makes me chuckle. I don’t laugh because of the stereotype or because of any residual disdain … Continue reading Written in the Stars: Psychiatry and Me
Newsletter #62: Scared to Remember Your Mission?
Yesterday, I listened to Sam Presti's end-of-the-season press conference. You will not find another name mentioned as often as Presti's in these weekly newsletters. Rain or shine, losing or winning season, I cherish listening to that guy talk about my Oklahoma City Thunder. Compared to our recent finishes in the league's cellar, the 2023-2024 season … Continue reading Newsletter #62: Scared to Remember Your Mission?
Infinite Reflections in Medicine’s Mirror
My poor wife. If I utter the phrase “object relations” to her one more time, she may combust. I don’t want that. The same revulsion applies, per her indications, to any mention of Bion, Winnicott, and Klein, the object-relations pioneers. She doesn’t want to hear any more about them, their emphasis on the maternal holding … Continue reading Infinite Reflections in Medicine’s Mirror
How Little Everything Else Matters
My self. Once it was lost, I was willing to sacrifice everything to get it back. And good thing too, because everything was always the price.
Newsletter #60: Into the Torture Chamber
Dozens of books on mindfulness. A few dozen more on Buddhism. Meditation groups. Meditation retreats. I tried to enlighten my way past my medicine problem. And to the credit of those pursuits, my illusion of self-will (and I) narrowly survived medical school. Dialectical behavioral therapy. Cognitive behavioral therapy. Acceptance and commitment therapy. I mastered and … Continue reading Newsletter #60: Into the Torture Chamber
All My Whys Were Lies
Life was "... not so clear to me as I have for a long time imagined." Thanks to Rousseau, I've seen my motivations for what they are: obscured by the lies of my whys... until I'm ready to see the truth.
Newsletter #59: Forgotten Names and Remembered Resolve
I like writing because it sifts meaning from the events of my life that would have otherwise flown past. In that way, it's like therapy. It always surprised me when a singular, seemingly pedestrian event, would become the one thing I wanted to talk about most with my therapist. After the first sixty seconds of … Continue reading Newsletter #59: Forgotten Names and Remembered Resolve