To become a doctor, it required I study. To study subjects I didn't want to study, it required I mainline coffee until my right eyelid twitched. To obtain a daily caffeine dose capable of curing ADHD, I became a regular at the city's coffee shops. Still, come late afternoon, my attention would beg for relief … Continue reading Newsletter #95: Not Needing to Shave My Head
Tag: physician burnout
Newsletter #94: A Legend If I’ve Ever Met One
Last Saturday night, at the tires of a truck driving too fast, we lost a friend and hero: our neighbor's tuxedo cat, Rainbow Houseboat. That's one hard-to-live-up-to name—given by the neighbor's children—but not only was the name lived up to, it was mythologized as legend. One evening, I watched her stalk a herd of eight … Continue reading Newsletter #94: A Legend If I’ve Ever Met One
Newsletter #93: Do Something. Anything.
After a furniture project finished ahead of schedule Monday, another one fell through entirely on Tuesday. Suddenly, my week was open. Being the end of the month, I didn't like this freedom one bit; I wanted paid work. Bills were being billed. Savings needed saved. Roth's needed Roth'd. Inside this time affluence, two paths appeared: … Continue reading Newsletter #93: Do Something. Anything.
Newsletter #92: Bottom of the Same-Old Hole
During an early session of our work together, my therapist handed me slip of paper printed with Autobiography in 5 Chapters, a poem by Portia Nelson. "How could I do this to myself?" I asked her, ashamed by my recent repeat of a same-old mistake. "I said this would never happen again!" "Just read the … Continue reading Newsletter #92: Bottom of the Same-Old Hole
Newsletter #91: Bulletproof Boundaries
I hate conflict; thus, my boundaries have frequently gone unguarded. When someone else is uncomfortable—whether or not I caused their discomfort—I've quickly self-sacrificed. Afterward, I feel a tinge of burning resentment because beneath my automatic response, I didn't really want to help: I had to help. My actions weren't compassionate; they were compulsive, not to … Continue reading Newsletter #91: Bulletproof Boundaries
Newsletter #90: Wave or Not
To become a surfer, I endured ass-kicking after ass-kicking. Comfortable nowhere, I'd begin my paddle through the breaking waves, seeking safety on the "outside"—the water past where the waves crested. Along this perilous journey, I'd often lose my balance and grip, take a wave to the chin, and find myself buried into the sand. Even … Continue reading Newsletter #90: Wave or Not
Newsletter #89: No Villain. No Story.
As a child, I loved Disney movies... if I could edit them. When watching alone, I always fast-forwarded through the scary scenes: when Cruella De Vil kidnaps the puppies, when the villagers attack the Beast's castle, when Jabar becomes Genie's next master. I'd bypass the trepidation, then rejoin when the hero had control again. Turns … Continue reading Newsletter #89: No Villain. No Story.
Newsletter #88: Ask Not What Life Can Do For You, But…
"In the mood for some light reading, huh?" my wife asked. I chuckled, glancing at the book in my hands: Man's Search for Meaning. Nazi death camps. Torture. Existentialism. Nothing better to calm the senses before bed. For those unacquainted, the author, Viktor Frankl, was an Austrian psychiatrist who endured Nazi concentration camps for three … Continue reading Newsletter #88: Ask Not What Life Can Do For You, But…
A Cat Story: Why We Take the Leap of Faith
Healing is possible with time, sure, but healing takes something far more perilous: a leap of faith. But damn, if life's taught me anything, that risk is nothing compared to its rewards.
Newsletter #87: Righting the Ship with Recklessness
In the throes of the most anxious period of my life—third year of medical school—I left my house at dusk to go mountain biking. It was Sunday night, marking the end of my last day off before six more days in the hospital. I had to ride to survive another week. Mountain biking is hazardous … Continue reading Newsletter #87: Righting the Ship with Recklessness
