Please, I just want to live at the tip of the spear again. As the projectile of my life flew through the air, I clung to its trailing feathers. The ride wasn't fun anymore; it was thrashing. A return to the spear's tip seemed impossible. So I tried to survive. Once, years before, I'd lived … Continue reading Newsletter #98: This Ride Isn’t So Fun Anymore
Author: Ryan Fightmaster, MD
Writer. Furniture professional. Former practicing physician.
Newsletter #97: To Hell in a Handbasket, or…
I wrestled my backpack free from under the seat and unzipped its front. My fingers traced the pocket's compartments, searching for the rounded contour of my AirPods. They found nothing. Except a rock-hard, half-eaten Larabar from trips past. This is gonna be a loooonng cross-country flight. I did have a steaming cup of black coffee … Continue reading Newsletter #97: To Hell in a Handbasket, or…
Newsletter #96: Honesty is the How
"You were a really good psychiatrist; I looked up to you," she said between margarita sips. "I never would have guessed." I guzzled half the lager in my right hand, then said, "Appreciate you saying that, really, but I suppose that says something in itself, right?" We chuckled, took a brief stroll down our shared … Continue reading Newsletter #96: Honesty is the How
Newsletter #95: Not Needing to Shave My Head
To become a doctor, it required I study. To study subjects I didn't want to study, it required I mainline coffee until my right eyelid twitched. To obtain a daily caffeine dose capable of curing ADHD, I became a regular at the city's coffee shops. Still, come late afternoon, my attention would beg for relief … Continue reading Newsletter #95: Not Needing to Shave My Head
Newsletter #94: A Legend If I’ve Ever Met One
Last Saturday night, at the tires of a truck driving too fast, we lost a friend and hero: our neighbor's tuxedo cat, Rainbow Houseboat. That's one hard-to-live-up-to name—given by the neighbor's children—but not only was the name lived up to, it was mythologized as legend. One evening, I watched her stalk a herd of eight … Continue reading Newsletter #94: A Legend If I’ve Ever Met One
Newsletter #93: Do Something. Anything.
After a furniture project finished ahead of schedule Monday, another one fell through entirely on Tuesday. Suddenly, my week was open. Being the end of the month, I didn't like this freedom one bit; I wanted paid work. Bills were being billed. Savings needed saved. Roth's needed Roth'd. Inside this time affluence, two paths appeared: … Continue reading Newsletter #93: Do Something. Anything.
Newsletter #92: Bottom of the Same-Old Hole
During an early session of our work together, my therapist handed me slip of paper printed with Autobiography in 5 Chapters, a poem by Portia Nelson. "How could I do this to myself?" I asked her, ashamed by my recent repeat of a same-old mistake. "I said this would never happen again!" "Just read the … Continue reading Newsletter #92: Bottom of the Same-Old Hole
Newsletter #91: Bulletproof Boundaries
I hate conflict; thus, my boundaries have frequently gone unguarded. When someone else is uncomfortable—whether or not I caused their discomfort—I've quickly self-sacrificed. Afterward, I feel a tinge of burning resentment because beneath my automatic response, I didn't really want to help: I had to help. My actions weren't compassionate; they were compulsive, not to … Continue reading Newsletter #91: Bulletproof Boundaries
Newsletter #90: Wave or Not
To become a surfer, I endured ass-kicking after ass-kicking. Comfortable nowhere, I'd begin my paddle through the breaking waves, seeking safety on the "outside"—the water past where the waves crested. Along this perilous journey, I'd often lose my balance and grip, take a wave to the chin, and find myself buried into the sand. Even … Continue reading Newsletter #90: Wave or Not
Newsletter #89: No Villain. No Story.
As a child, I loved Disney movies... if I could edit them. When watching alone, I always fast-forwarded through the scary scenes: when Cruella De Vil kidnaps the puppies, when the villagers attack the Beast's castle, when Jabar becomes Genie's next master. I'd bypass the trepidation, then rejoin when the hero had control again. Turns … Continue reading Newsletter #89: No Villain. No Story.
