I do not want to be a doctor.
That feeling wouldn’t change—from medical school acceptance to board certification—and it required moving across the country, leaving my family, and becoming a psychiatrist, before I could act on it.
Now, I turn the page.
If you’re looking for a roast of medicine, this ain’t the place. Many of my physician colleagues love their job and life. Blaming medicine for my plight would be an abdication of personal responsibility. There’s no one to blame here, just things to understand about myself. How can I sit here and bemoan it all? Without medical school and residency, it likely would have taken a whole helluva lot longer to figure out who I was (and find my wife). Becoming a psychiatrist was the best thing that could have happened to me.
I’m indebted (on many levels).
Cans vs wants: a distinction worth its weight in time.
Can is capability. Want is responsibility. The former you rent, the latter you own.
I could go to medical school, and I did. I could do a residency, and I did. And I can practice medicine. It’s second nature now. I’ve seen thousands of patients. I’ve earned the MD. The money’s great. It’s an incredible privilege.
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But I don’t want to be a doctor. Why? I just don’t. It’s taken eight years to learn that’s enough.
What’s required now, is that I make a choice between a life guided by fear and one guided by wholeness. I know the life guided by fear pretty well. I almost paid the iron price for that brand of living, almost lost everything, and I ain’t going back. The ground beneath our feet ain’t worth giving up.
This is next. I’m going to share my story—the eight year saga to find myself—and how I came to no longer need being a doctor.
Maybe you’ll find a few things you like in what I have to say. Maybe you’ll be inspired. I do hope the story helps someone.
But maybe you’ll be bored to tears. Maybe you’ll hate the message. I can live with that too.
Regardless, I’ll be over here doing it.
P.S. If you’re in the middle of a fight to own the next part of your story, I would love to hear about it and lend an ear. Find me on social media @FightmasterMD or go to the Contact page and send me a message.
