"Hey," Keti peaked her head inside my office. "You want to take a walk?" I did not want to take a walk. Minutes earlier, the truth had descended into my email with swift brutality. I'd been spazzing refresh for weeks—irresponsibly, repetitively, nonsensically—waiting for word on my application to a local Masters of Fine Arts in … Continue reading Newsletter #127: The Long Sought Failure
Tag: physician burnout
Newsletter #124: Extreme Phone Makeover, Existential Edition
Cocaine or opiates—which one, I cannot recall—dripped by bottle into the cage. Alone, this rat lived in a plastic box with straw bedding, dry food, a water bowl, and drugs. Within hours, the rat began hammering the drug drip like I siphon Diet Lemonade from Chick-fil-A. Shamelessly. Too often. Now addicted, the rat became despondent … Continue reading Newsletter #124: Extreme Phone Makeover, Existential Edition
Newsletter #121: The ROI of Our Past
"You poor thing," said my occupational therapist, a woman in her sixties. Dark brown hair. No makeup. Naturally vibrant. "You didn't even get to use all those years of school, all that investment of time and money?" She kept cutting straps for my splint, shaking her head. I'd just shared my life story because I … Continue reading Newsletter #121: The ROI of Our Past
Newsletter #120: A Sterile Field No More
Pardon if the punctuation is loose, the memory fuzzed. I had surgery this morning. A small repair to my left hand. Still, midazolam is taking its sweet time through its half-life. I'm blowtorching sentences out of cobwebbed corners. Let us begin and pray the midazolam picks up the metabolic pace. The hardest year of my … Continue reading Newsletter #120: A Sterile Field No More
Newsletter #118: The Sweaty Road to Responsibility
This time last Friday, I was following blood sugars like I used to track meme stocks. By the second. As if my life depended on it. The sugars in question weren't my own; they belonged to a cabin of fourteen and fifteen year olds, all of which were my responsibility. My week on diabetes camp … Continue reading Newsletter #118: The Sweaty Road to Responsibility
Newsletter #116: Swings at Eternity
"Rhyne! Rhyne!" Of the conceivable pronunciations of my four-letter name, this is my favorite. My neighbor Tamara, more Appalachian than "Wagon Wheel" and sweeter than Western Carolina Ice Tea, waived me over from the edge of her above-ground pool. Having just finished my workday in the shop, I walked her direction across our shared greenbelt. … Continue reading Newsletter #116: Swings at Eternity
Newsletter #115: 1st Class Feats of Unnecessary Athleticism
My co-working space is serviceable. I can work, mostly in peace, and the coffee bar deals a rotation of single-origins. Come Friday afternoon, juicy IPAs await in the shared fridge, and overall, the vibes are pleasant. I've also made a friend, someone else who works in the space for a few hours each morning. Her … Continue reading Newsletter #115: 1st Class Feats of Unnecessary Athleticism
Newsletter #114: Nowhere to Hide, At Last
The drive to Children's Hospital was fifteen minutes, just enough time to forge 90 days of blood sugar readings. Pen in hand, riding in the backseat of my parents' car, I'd scribble fabrications into my logbook. 132. 289. 71. 320. 97. 120. 62. 205. 110. When my parents would ask their ten-year-old what he was … Continue reading Newsletter #114: Nowhere to Hide, At Last
Newsletter #113: Remembering the Unforgettable
On offer, I try to be useful here. Each week, I want to deliver a payload of helpful perspective. To that end, I can't afford to get lost on existential errands. But every so often, I find it necessary to unhitch the trailer and drive the damn truck to the top of the nearest mountain … Continue reading Newsletter #113: Remembering the Unforgettable
Newsletter #111: Turn Off the Lights
While in medicine, I lived—and hunted—across an Alaskan summer. Day or night, I tracked illuminated targets. Guesswork eliminated, I shot well. And ate well. "Why's that so bad?" you might ask. "Isn't success what matters? Why not enjoy the sun? Get a nice tan?" If Where The Red Fern Grows—a book representing 100% of my … Continue reading Newsletter #111: Turn Off the Lights
