To become a doctor, it required I study. To study subjects I didn't want to study, it required I mainline coffee until my right eyelid twitched. To obtain a daily caffeine dose capable of curing ADHD, I became a regular at the city's coffee shops. Still, come late afternoon, my attention would beg for relief … Continue reading Newsletter #95: Not Needing to Shave My Head
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Newsletter #92: Bottom of the Same-Old Hole
During an early session of our work together, my therapist handed me slip of paper printed with Autobiography in 5 Chapters, a poem by Portia Nelson. "How could I do this to myself?" I asked her, ashamed by my recent repeat of a same-old mistake. "I said this would never happen again!" "Just read the … Continue reading Newsletter #92: Bottom of the Same-Old Hole
Newsletter #89: No Villain. No Story.
As a child, I loved Disney movies... if I could edit them. When watching alone, I always fast-forwarded through the scary scenes: when Cruella De Vil kidnaps the puppies, when the villagers attack the Beast's castle, when Jabar becomes Genie's next master. I'd bypass the trepidation, then rejoin when the hero had control again. Turns … Continue reading Newsletter #89: No Villain. No Story.
Newsletter #88: Ask Not What Life Can Do For You, But…
"In the mood for some light reading, huh?" my wife asked. I chuckled, glancing at the book in my hands: Man's Search for Meaning. Nazi death camps. Torture. Existentialism. Nothing better to calm the senses before bed. For those unacquainted, the author, Viktor Frankl, was an Austrian psychiatrist who endured Nazi concentration camps for three … Continue reading Newsletter #88: Ask Not What Life Can Do For You, But…
Newsletter #87: Righting the Ship with Recklessness
In the throes of the most anxious period of my life—third year of medical school—I left my house at dusk to go mountain biking. It was Sunday night, marking the end of my last day off before six more days in the hospital. I had to ride to survive another week. Mountain biking is hazardous … Continue reading Newsletter #87: Righting the Ship with Recklessness
Newsletter #86: Seeking Peace At Any Cost
Writing is rarely fun. Running is mostly hellish. Furniture is so vexing that I often want to sledgehammer dressers and coffee tables into mulch. Yet, when the essay is written, the run is complete, and the dresser is lacquered, I feel at peace. On that day, I have done what I needed to do, and … Continue reading Newsletter #86: Seeking Peace At Any Cost
Newsletter #84: No Dream is Trivial
Three years ago, I hired a life coach because I was miserable and didn't want to feel miserable anymore. Together, we completed a litany of self-help exercises, filling notebooks with my audacious dreams and ideas. One such dream was to open a mountain "hiking hut". Essentially, a bed and breakfast for hikers that enjoy yoga … Continue reading Newsletter #84: No Dream is Trivial
Newsletter #83: The Movie Review You Never Asked For
Tuesday night, my wife and I saw Anora in theatres. As a modern Cinderella, Anora is an NYC sex worker who marries the son of a Russian oligarch after the son pays for her professional services. It's all going to be better now, she thinks. Money. Status. Security. Even... love. To what she's sought, she … Continue reading Newsletter #83: The Movie Review You Never Asked For
Newsletter #82: Home is Where You Are
In The Daily Pressfield, Stephen Pressfield explores the arch of the hero's journey. The journey, he writes, starts at home and ends at home. But for us... where's home? Born and bred, I'm an Oklahoman. In 2018, I moved from Oklahoma for residency in California, but long before I departed for California, Oklahoma ceased being … Continue reading Newsletter #82: Home is Where You Are
Newsletter #81: Get Better or Get Bitter
In the past four years, I've experienced two once-in-a-lifetime events: 2020 and Hurricane Helene. I also got married, so make that three once-in-a-lifetimers. Maybe your number is higher than mine. In 2020, life got smaller. Less things mattered. Priorities appeared. I started planning my exit from medicine. In 2022 when my wife and I married, … Continue reading Newsletter #81: Get Better or Get Bitter