“Good for you”, she said, before shifting the subject back to my cavity on tooth 3.
I was at the dentist, for the first time in way too long, and enjoying the conversation, despite my cavity. My dentist and I share a favorite restaurant. We live in same part of Asheville. And her husband just finished residency. But then, my career journey came up. Before I could share how rewarding it is to transform a french provincial vanity into a contemporary desk, she hit me with the “Good for you”, after I shared the part where I left medicine. Conversation closed.
This happens a lot. Not all the time but enough to notice a pattern. When other physicians (or dentists) hear about what I’m doing, they first ask about logistics. How am I paying back loans? What’s my long-term gameplan? What does my family think? Sadly but also interestingly, that last question is the most frequently asked.
After my replies, the conversation takes one of two paths depending on what they say next:
Path 1) They say, “Good for you”
Typically, it’s said with a smile but jealousy is palpable. Typically, this comment ends the conversation.
Path 2) They say, “If I were more courageous, I’d do the same thing.”
Here, the tone is genuine with felt longing. I can almost see an unresolved soul pursuit behind the eyes. (In this week’s essay, I finally resolved one of those soul pursuits.)
When my dentist uttered “Good for you”, I remembered all the times where I said the same, thinking it was impossible for me to be whole and happy. Thinking you had to be special to do that. Thinking you had to be courageous.
Eventually, I realized I knew absolutely nothing about these people. I had no idea if they were happy or living courageous lives. All I knew was that I was not; and I was the only person who could do a damn thing about it, an understanding that was, “Good for me”.
To living a life we love,
Ryan Fightmaster, MD