My number of meaningful interactions* has increased hundredfold in five months; a surprising post-medicine development, like watching a barren tree, assumed dead after winter, bud green growth. Now my lunches are spent exploring the neighborhood by phone, catching up and digging in, reconnecting over time’s toll. It’s been wonderful.
I’m struck by how much my friends have changed and grown. What they’ve survived. It’s funny how you hold the idea of who they are constant, assuming they’re the same as you’ve always known. I often faintly recognize the person I once assumed to know well. The stories I hear are often similar to my own—things sacrificed and truths understood, on the way to understanding themselves better.
Several factors are likely involved in the rise of these talks. One, I’m available. The flashing billboard over my head, saying, “I’m busy, I’m tired, I don’t have time. I’m a physician.” is gone. Two, being self-employed, I can talk anytime (which presents other challenges). Three, we live in a post-covid world, where many of my friends work from home and have the same flexible privileges I do, with missed interactions at the water cooler. We need people to talk to.
Mostly though, I believe honesty is the answer. I’ve heard Jordan Peterson say, “Tell the truth. It’s the adventure of your life.” In striving to be more honest with myself, I’ve hoped to own a more truthful life, and perhaps that allowed space for reconnection.
A friend recommended Razor’s Edge by Somerset Maugham during one such interaction. The protagonist’s odyssey to figure out what he wants after World War I, got me thinking about my joneses. I ran down answers in Thursday’s If I Never Wanted to Be a Doctor, What Did (Do) I Want? , finding a strong desire that’s never changed: to continually discover who I am. And the ability to do that, I’ve found, is worth fighting for with everything you’ve got.
So, what if we want more connection in our lives? Let us be truthful. We gotta give to get.
Let’s live a life we love,
Ryan Fightmaster, MD
*My definition of an “meaningful interaction” is a communication that occurs more than once per month, in consecutive months, by either phone call, text, email, or social media exchange.
